six.

is there some golden number that represents what constitutes as watching too much television?

whatever number that is, i must have surpassed it by now. i know i’m not alone on this. i typically don’t notice that i’m committed to several television programs at once. the realization kicks in when there’s a season finale and half of the programs I watch go on a hiatus for a couple months. i’ll just sit in my room and question, “what do i do now with all this free time?” it’s such a strange feeling.

the same goes for when i start a new book. i will spend hours reading and won’t put a book down until i’m actually done with it. when i’m finished reading that same question will come up. i seem to be in more of a rush to get through something and then once it’s over i feel somewhat anxious or I guess disappointed that it’s over. in a way it’s like a huge build up and then bam! you’re left with a cliffhanger and tons of questions to follow.

i guess this can kind of sum up how i have been experiencing moments in my life thus far. i’m using the term “experiencing” quite loosely because it hasn’t felt as if i’ve taken the time to step back and appreciate these moments while they happen. then again a moment can be any length of time. what i can do going forward is just take a second and appreciate factors in my life and the world around me daily and not rush through things.

five

“don’t judge everyone else by your limited experience”
-carl sagan

today, i just wanted to leave this quote since it is something that i know i should keep in mind daily. being so connected to social media we all get to share our opinions freely and sometimes it seems like some forget that we all lead different lives. spreading negativity on any social platform is quite unnecessary, especially when there is an overwhelming sense of ignorance behind comments.

i believe self awareness is crucial when it comes to becoming socially aware. if you can recognize aspects about yourself as an individual in an environment, you can then expand on that to understand the perspective of others. it’s great to be curious, now it’s just the matter of educating yourself.

two.

today was a quite relaxing day. i spent the majority of the day cleaning and organizing my bedroom, which looked like a tornado hit it. originally i planned on seeing some of my friends from college/university in the city, but things didn’t pan out the way we wanted. one of my best friends is currently dealing with loads of pressure and conflict with her family and it’s something i wish i could just help her with. the most i can do is just be there for her in this time.

i won’t go into detail about her life since that isn’t something that needs to be shared, but her situation really urged me to think about the concept of people changing.

now “changes” can either be for the better or the worse. when it comes to humans, i’m not entirely sure that we change in the sense of one day we seem a certain way and then the next it’s like that person we were yesterday didn’t exist. when i hear someone saying that a person has “changed,” i interpret it as the person’s personality made a 180. that isn’t necessarily the case. naturally we all change because we grow. as time passes we all have various experiences that affect our lives in different manners and then we inherently react to those experiences.

over time we learn to react to repeated events in our lives in different ways because we generally want to better ourselves. there is no way i could say that the me 5 years ago would understand some of the decisions i have made recently. deep down of course i am the same person, but as a human i am able to discover more about myself and those around me. something that may have seemed stupid before may not make some sense. we are not stagnant beings. it isn’t really a change we see but more of a realization, a discovery of sorts, of who we are as people.

i’m not 100% sure who i am, but the goal is to put together the pieces as i embark on this journey of self discovery and happiness.