nine

today’s the day we return to the corporate world. no wonder people tend to dislike mondays. the weekends seem to be getting shorter each week. well in general every day seems to be shorter than i remember. i’m pretty sure this has to do with the time perception idea of retrospective versus prospective.

basically days feel shorter now than say they did 10 years ago because 1 day right now is a smaller percentage of the time we’ve lived. say for example one year is a longer time for a 7 year old than a 35 year old because the 7 year old has only lived 7 years and 1 year is a large portion of that especially given that the earlier years of lives aren’t very memorable.

to look at this another way is the whole retrospective versus prospective idea. say you’re really looking forward to some event the time you spend anticipating it may feel long but later after that event has passed and some time has gone by, when you think back to that event your perception of how long it actually felt like waiting won’t really be the same. as more time passes the thought of that time spent becomes a distant memory.

i’m probably doing a bad job of explaining this in writing, but i’ll search around for some articles about this topic that will be more in depth and link them below later.

eight.

while i sit and wait for my car to be serviced in a building that is giving me limited access to the internet, i can’t help but to notice the weather today. it’s pretty chilly out, in fact this past week has been colder and much windier than any of the other days this winter. it’s cold but the sun is still shining.

strange that it could be absolutely freezing out and the sun will still make an appearance. to me it feels as if this can relate to when things don’t seem to be looking up and yet there is that slight chance of something great making an appearance, however slight that it may be.

seven.

some days i feel like a robot. today is one of those days. i wish i meant a robot that was interesting and could do all these extraordinary things but no. i mean a robot that isn’t capable of emotion and is just going through the motions.

this feeling is something i have become really familiar with. but calling it a feeling is almost ironic since i just feel numb during these moments. it’s been a while since i’ve seriously sunk deep into this depressing state and yet it’s something that hasn’t left me.

there isn’t any set reason as to why i feel this way so when someone asks, “what’s wrong?” i get frustrated because i can’t give a solid answer. in these times is where i start to shut people out and i’m hoping that those around me try to understand that i just need some time. time to myself, time to just take a break and breathe, and time to reflect. who knows if this is something that will be a distant memory years from now? months? or days? this is something i’ll work on and writing things out is definitely a step towards what I want for myself. happiness.

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from amy and roger’s epic detour by morgan matson (found this picture on tumblr)

six.

is there some golden number that represents what constitutes as watching too much television?

whatever number that is, i must have surpassed it by now. i know i’m not alone on this. i typically don’t notice that i’m committed to several television programs at once. the realization kicks in when there’s a season finale and half of the programs I watch go on a hiatus for a couple months. i’ll just sit in my room and question, “what do i do now with all this free time?” it’s such a strange feeling.

the same goes for when i start a new book. i will spend hours reading and won’t put a book down until i’m actually done with it. when i’m finished reading that same question will come up. i seem to be in more of a rush to get through something and then once it’s over i feel somewhat anxious or I guess disappointed that it’s over. in a way it’s like a huge build up and then bam! you’re left with a cliffhanger and tons of questions to follow.

i guess this can kind of sum up how i have been experiencing moments in my life thus far. i’m using the term “experiencing” quite loosely because it hasn’t felt as if i’ve taken the time to step back and appreciate these moments while they happen. then again a moment can be any length of time. what i can do going forward is just take a second and appreciate factors in my life and the world around me daily and not rush through things.

five

“don’t judge everyone else by your limited experience”
-carl sagan

today, i just wanted to leave this quote since it is something that i know i should keep in mind daily. being so connected to social media we all get to share our opinions freely and sometimes it seems like some forget that we all lead different lives. spreading negativity on any social platform is quite unnecessary, especially when there is an overwhelming sense of ignorance behind comments.

i believe self awareness is crucial when it comes to becoming socially aware. if you can recognize aspects about yourself as an individual in an environment, you can then expand on that to understand the perspective of others. it’s great to be curious, now it’s just the matter of educating yourself.

four.

a very lazy sunday. one filled with wine and putting that boy meets world complete collection dvd set to use. as i enjoy this last day of freedom before returning to my typical work week, i think about how blessed i am to even be in this position.

my life is far from glamorous, but in comparison to some of my relatives, it may seem that way to them. my family is from cape verde, a country smaller than the state of rhode island. some of my siblings have stable careers and are satisfied with what they have and where they are, others not so much. the ones who haven’t quite gotten their footing are those whom i worry about most.

i am the youngest of my siblings and the only one not born in cape verde. sometimes i wonder if the tables had been turned how different life would be. it is simply by chance that i was born in america and found myself on the path i’m currently on. this is something i’m practically reminded of this everyday, which can be both a good and bad thing. bad in the sense that it’s a reminder that i am “lucky” to live the life i live and shouldn’t be ungrateful. it’s also good for that same reason, it pushes me to take advantage of opportunities that may arise in my life and hopefully be able to help out those in my family who may not get an equal chance.

this all feels like it doesn’t make sense when it’s written down. then again i swear anything i write down comes across as gibberish.

three.

today started off on a really great note. i planned on following my typical routine for my days off, which consists mostly of lounging around and cleaning here and there. instead i met up with some friends and got breakfast. well, i’m not really sure it counts as breakfast since it was about 1pm… nevertheless it was great.

we sat around and caught up on recent events in our individual lives and some plans for the year to come. it’s crazy thinking about how far we have come in comparison to our high school selves. also knowing that there is so much more growing to go is somewhat surreal, but i’m excited to see where we’ll be say 5 years from now.

in the midst of all our conversations we found ourselves recalling some of the people we were once very close to. many of those whom i no longer consider friends are people i’ve just lost contact with. naturally people drift apart but some people manage to always pick up where they left off. i have a handful of people whom we can go long periods of time without seeing each other but once we start talking it’s like that time in between didn’t affect our relationship. i feel like that would be the case for many people, but from what i’ve heard from others, groups who used to be attached at the hip in high school are practically strangers now.

it’s sad to hear something like that, but it just shows that if someone is meant to be in your life, life finds a way of merging your paths. i’m thankful for my friendships and hope this year only brings many blessings to these people.